Gardenia Of Blooming D.e.s.i.r.e

~One year later~

"Ramuja, we're going home!" Jon shouted from afar. Ramuja put down his axe and wiped the sweat on his face with his shirt, and his well-built abs glistened under the scorching sun. His skin had gotten more like his initial skin color back during his childhood, glistening brown skin.

"It's still noon, why do we need to go back so soon?" Ramuja asked.

Jon observed this guy shortly. Ramuja's face had gotten sharper and deeper. He got taller and his body was well toned under his daily work. His body was also in a much better shape due to eating proper food. Two years, Ramuja turned into a handsome, exotic man.

Jon sighed subconsciously. Why did Ramuja become very handsome and his body become very well built, while he was still a bit scrawny? Jon was wailing in his heart.

"You already chopped so many logs since dawn, my mother doesn't need that many," Jon explained.

"Okay, I will carry them," Ramuja took the logs he just chopped and used a rope to bind them together, then carried it on his back.

"Hey, let me help you!" Jon tied other logs into one bundle and carried it on his back. They walked together to their house.

"Ramuja..." Jon opened a conversation while walking across the forest.

"Yes?"

"When will you marry my sister?"

Ramuja's heart skipped once when he heard it. He fell silent. Jon glanced at him and sighed, "In few weeks, Merry will be seventeen, it was the best age to marry for women."

"... I heard noble ladies would marry when they were around twenty five," Ramuja said, trying to reason.

"Well, they are nobles! Aristocrats! They are different than us," Jon thought what Ramuja said was ridiculous, "Of course they could marry at that age, they have money to live, they also have high status to maintain themselves. We're low peasants, we don't know whether we will live or die tomorrow!"

Ramuja pursed his lips after he heard Jon became a bit agitated. It was reasonable to be agitated though, it was his fault to delay this for so long. Jon was obviously concerned about Merry.

Ramuja was nineteen now, living well with Wood Family since the day he was casted out from Grand Duchy two years ago. He accepted Merry and dated her for almost one and a half year. He worked under Grand Duke and one of his logging businesses here and received real money as payment, not just round of tortures from his previous masters.

'Except Young Lord, of course, he... is the kindest...' Ramuja said in his heart.

This time was indeed the best time for him to propose to Merry. He was nineteen, and she was seventeen. They were both on their prime age to marry as a commoner.

However, whenever he thought about proposing, all he could think of was his unreachable Young Lord. Young Lord who bought him and saved him from his hell, smiled at him generously, cared for him, and gave him the chance to live as a normal human.

But his memory was also filled with his Young Lord who had been intimate with his cousin, Crown Prince.

'It's been one year and two months since spring festival, they must be very intimate already...' Ramuja showed a bitter smile.

'To think about it, isn't Young Lord's birthday also coming up soon? They said I was Young Lord's fifteen years old birthday gift...'

'He should be seventeen years old now...'

'Haha, I wonder what are his sixteen and seventeen birthday gift,' Ramuja snickered. There was a hot feeling slowly burning his heart whenever he thought about it.

He had the realization that he was just a birthday gift. A thing, an object, and not a human with emotion for his Young Lord.

The last time he met with Young Lord was just at that brief moment in spring festival one year ago, and it wasn't even a good moment. Since all he did was protecting Young Lord. Then he got the news from Merry that Young Lord was being intimate in public with Crown Prince. It was such a brave declaration.

'This burning feeling again,' Ramuja took a deep breath, trying to cool down this burning sensation in his heart.

Jon saw Ramuja making various expressions on his face.

He was worried that he pushed Ramuja too much about his marriage matter, thus, he said; "I'm just worried about you two. You know, in Golden Camellia, there was a myth that two people who were in love should tie their bond together before three years since they fell in love with each other, or else... their love would only suffer bitter end."

"Ah, I never heard of that."

"Well, it's just a myth, maybe some parents wanted their children to marry soon, so they scare them. They are too much though, some people also said that one of the lovers would die if they don't marry after three years. It's ridiculous."

'Then, if Crown Prince and Young Lord don't marry after three years, their love would break apart?' Ramuja knew it was ridiculous, but imagining Crown Prince and Young Lord's love never came true delighted him slightly.

"Well, think about it again, okay?" Jon suggested and patted Ramuja's shoulder.

They arrived at home but found that Lisa and Merry was kneeling in front of someone. Ramuja squinted, and then realized that man was Grand Duke's subordinate whom often accompanied him in the office.

He rushed and kneeled in front of that man. The man was familiar with Ramuja, as he also worked under Grand Duke and mentioned often by the Duke himself. Thus, the envoy curled up his lips a bit.

"No need to kneel like this, we have known each other for almost two years already," the man said. All of them stood up, but they were still short on their breaths. Wood family was nervously expecting something. Since this man never came to their hut.

"I'm here to give you this," the man fished out a letter with a wax stamp on it. It was Grand Duchy Stormhill official stamp. However, in this letter, under the Grand Duchy's, there was a smaller wax stamp with one letter as the symbol.

'A'

"This is?"

The man rolled out the scroll he had been holding and said; "Under the order of Young Lord, Aster di Arlingdon, a slave named Ramuja shall return to the Grand Duchy Stormhill mansion the day after the invitation letter is delivered. This order cannot be refuted and the subject would have to undergo some punishments if he dares to refuse this order."

"What?!" Merry was the first one to react.

Ramuja was dumbfounded, "Invited back?"

"Yes, Young Lord personally stamped this. He also said that you shouldn't open the letter until you meet him. Congratulations for your new life in Grand Duchy," the man said.

"H--How..."

"You should pack all your belonging and head to Grand Duke's office tomorrow morning, you will go with one of the carriage that escorted Grand Duke," he informed.

After that, the envoy excused himself and left Wood family dumbstruck. Merry was the first one to open her mouth, she stared at Ramuja, "You... are going to leave? What about our marriage..."

Ramuja didn't answer that, he casted his eyes down, not knowing what to say.

Merry got irritated even more and snarled, "Fine then, just go!"

Merry ran into the house and slammed the door of her room.

"Oh my, Ramuja, I will calm Merry down. You should prepare for tomorrow..." Lisa said. She looked fine, but her voice was a bit hoarse. Thus, Ramuja knew that Lisa was also saddened.

There was only Ramuja and Jon now. Jon said nothing, but he patted Ramuja's shoulder and entered the house.

Ramuja was now alone. He stared at this letter with wax stamp on it. It was Young Lord's personal stamp. He walked to the river to calm himself.

His hand gently touched Young Lord's wax stamp, and his fingers trembled. Logically, his chance of returning to Grand Duchy was close to none, he didn't even dare to dream about returning back.

It was simply because there was no use of him anymore. Young Lord had been living well in the palace with Crown Prince. He should be having a lot of friends from the palace. There was no use of him.

'But this...'

Ramuja would be lying if he said that he didn't rejoiced. Deep in his heart, he rejoiced for this miraculous moment. However, combining his logic and heart, he only felt complicated.

'Young Lord, I don't know whether I should be happy or not...'

'Why do you need to call me back? When I'm starting to let my feeling dissipate...'

'No, it was an obvious lie. Young Lord, I still love you. But I know I'm nothing, how can I forget you if I have to meet you again? ' Ramuja smiled bitterly, he knew that already. But it still felt hurt, falling in love to something unreachable.

Ramuja stayed until dusk, then he returned back to the house. When he entered the house, Lisa, Jon and Merry were sitting together waiting for him.

"Ramuja, sit with us," Lisa said. Ramuja nodded and sat besides Jon, directly facing Merry. Merry's face was heavy and her usual bunny eyes was red and puffy.

"I know that order from Grand Duchy is inevitable, but you should remember that you have a family here," Jon said.

Lisa stood up and took a tray from the kitchen. She put the tray on the table and opened it.

"This is..."

"Well, I saved enough money to buy flour, sugar, and cheese few days ago. Although it's the lowest quality, it should be good," Lisa smiled.

"What occasion is this?" Ramuja asked.

Merry who was silent the whole time finally smiled and said; "Silly, this is for you. You will be living far from here, this is your cake."

"I--I don't deserve this..." Ramuja stared at the cake in front of him. It was a very plain cake, he had seen much more extravagant one in Grand Duchy. However, this one warmed his heart.

Lisa brought a kitchen knife and sliced the cake into few pieces. "When you come back, I will make one more cake," Lisa laughed.

"If you need money to buy your contract, we will be helping you. I heard Young Lord is a very kind man, he surely will reduce the cost of your freedom!" Jon said.

"He is kind." Ramuja muttered softly, then preceded to eat the cake with the Wood family. This was probably his last time having this warm feeling in his heart. He might return here, but it would take a long time.

When this warm feeling was mixed with the reality that hit him, somehow the sweet cake turned bittersweet.

***

Lisa and Jon were sleeping already and Ramuja finished packing his belonging. He didn't have much, all his stuff was inside a wooden box and it was only the hard-earned money he collected every day and the clothes Young Lord had given to him. It was expensive clothes made of silk, but he didn't want to sell it, because his master gave these.

He took the silver pin from Young Lord. This was given after the spring festival. He often heard that silver pin was very precious for nobles, because it signified that the owner trusted those who received his/her silver pin.

Ramuja didn't take this silver pin out often. He still brought his brass pin, but not the silver pin, because it was simply too valuable.

'I didn't want to dirty Young Lord's trust,' Ramuja gently rubbed the pin, and his hand started trembling again.

'Young Lord, what should I do? Whenever I saw this pin, I have sinful d.e.s.i.r.e to you...'

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Ramuja, are you still up? I want to talk," Merry's soft voice called him out. Ramuja opened the door. Merry curled up a small smile and hold his hand immediately. She took him outside, near the river, just like the first time when Merry confessed to him.

Merry sat on a big stone and her smile bloomed beautifully under the moonlight, "Ramuja, I don't want to pressure you about us. But I have been expecting it."

Merry shifted her gaze to the river. Staring at Ramuja would only made her sadder, "That's why, I will wait for you. No matter how long, I will wait for you."

"Merry, I--"

"I will start making more money, I will sing on the street so that I can get money, I will work harder as tailor in the city. So we can buy your freedom," Merry said sincerely.

Ramuja was speechless. He didn't know that Merry was this sincere. She had grown from a shy girl into a m.a.t.u.r.e, kindhearted lady.

However, his egoistical heart was thinking of something else. Ramuja cursed himself that he even had this thought in this moment.

But he was thinking, that it would be good if Young Lord loved him just like Merry loved him like this, a sincere love. He had someone so perfect in front of him, but he couldn't control his d.e.s.i.r.e.

'Even in this situation, facing her sincerity, I'm still thinking about you, Young Lord.'

'What curse did you put on me? To make me this crazy for you, wanting to see you, wanting to touch you, wanting to be even closer to you, Young Lord.'

'I admit it! I do want to see you! I do want you to know that I love you! I missed you so much, so much that I keep dreaming about you!' Ramuja hid all his thought, he could only bit his lower lip and casted his eyes down, fearing that Merry might notice the overflowing emotions in his eyes.

'I'm truly a hopeless idiot.'

Seeing Ramuja speechless, Merry chuckled, "I'll sing a song for you."

~ They said my love is a daydream,

But I can see you in that daydream,

I can kiss the tip of your finger,

My imagination is the most beautiful. ~

~ Because there is you there,

Is it sinful for me,

To love you in my dream?

Even if it's only in my dream. ~