Molting the Mortal Coil

Lying on his deathbed and reviewing the life he’d lived, Yang Fu had been filled with deep regrets. Always telling others what they wanted to hear had made things go smoothly for him most of the time, but it also made him into a pushover in their eyes. He’d been seen as a bootlicker or loyal dog and when his ‘master’ was in trouble, he was tossed to the wolves. Even if it was just the mask he wore for the world, it did nothing to change his lack of power. He’d had to scheme and scrape, growing powerful on his own before finding a new supporter and using them to gain his revenge and claw to a higher position. Yet, even with his new level of strength and support, his attitude still led him to misery.

Without being true to those around him, it inevitably led to him being lied to in turn. It was his karma to be tricked in turn. Married with two children, only years later did he realize it was all a sham. There was absolutely no love from his wife and the children were not even his. Trying to make the best of the situation, he still cared for them and wished to build real relationships with them, but they despised him. Sucking up to the greater powers had given him a stable position, great wealth, and increasing power, but it only made his family hate him. Worse still, the three of them sought revenge against their personal enemies and were killed before Yang Fu could even learn of their difficulties. As much as they disliked him, they didn’t even bother to tell him of their enemies or the situation that led them to ruin. He was treated completely as an outsider, used merely to protect them for a time before they left him entirely without any explanation.

Servant. Pet. Puppet. Stooge. Dog.

Such a life. So many regrets over how he had been treated welled up within him. Yet, it seemed wrong. It all seemed off.

Yang Fu.

I’m not Yang Fu, yet I am Yang Fu.

In that silent darkness the suppressed memories and identity were finally released and that was when that consciousness remembered himself. Sage! Lang Sheng! The sequence of events returned to him and he realized that it was all a dream, or was it? Was he killed by that giant flame and reborn again? He had been plunged into darkness and then reborn again. Hadn’t it already happened to him once before when he became Lang Sheng? Had it happened once more and he was turned into Yang Fu?

He attempted to learn more about his surroundings, but there was only darkness and silence. In fact, he had no senses at all, trapped within only his own thought with no connection to any outside existence. As he wondered about this, everything shook once again and his senses began to return again. A cold wave washed over him and he heard that loud crying once again, coming from his own mouth.

In the time before he grew foggy again, he resigned himself to change his ways. He wouldn’t allow himself to be fooled anymore!

A teen traipsed through the woods, traveling on a well hidden path to the home of his teacher. A renowned Poison Master that terrified the world. A man who killed hundreds to avenge the death of his wife, wiping out a whole clan in its entirety and earning the ire of the common folk. He lived in seclusion and cared little for his name. After his wife died and his vengeance was served he cared for little else. It was with great difficulty that the boy had tracked down the old man and managed to become his student. Teaching the boy had brought a little life to the old man’s eyes, but they were still faded and worn.

That day, the entirety of his legacy was handed down to the boy and the old man passed from the world. That boy used the extensive set of tricks to forge a path through the world, using ruthless poisons to ensure sincerity and guarantee he could never be betrayed. He never allowed himself to be used by others, he was always the one doing the using. Living his life with an iron grip and a ruthless hold on even his allies, he ensured nobody ever took advantage of him. He served no one!

At least until he died. It was a gruesome death. He did not go without suffering, nor did he go alone. Such a vicious individual ended up with thousands of enemies, even if he’d completely wiped out everyone of his enemies and all those with ties to them, there was no way he could get them all. It was only a matter of time before some of them matured or got powerful backers. Assaulted by hundreds, it was inevitable that he was killed. He didn’t die easy, spreading virulent poison around him and taking half of his attackers with him. Upon his death all of his subordinates followed him to the grave, the poisons in their bodies kicking in.

The cycle repeated, Sage found himself once again and was reborn into another world. Over and over again, each time slightly different from the last. He could only instill a few moments of regret and desires into each new reincarnation before his memories were befuddled.

He was a tyrant, a hero, a conqueror, a healer, a craftsman, a saint, a beggar, a musician, a politician, a father, a brother, a son, a soldier, an entertainer. Dozens of lives played out, each time he tried to find a better path, a life without regrets. Each life was a whole new family, culture, society and world. Sometimes he’d try exactly the same as he did the last time, but the circumstances of his new upbringing and surroundings led to drastically different lives. His attitude and desires were important, but the troubles and vicissitudes of life were not under his control. Sometimes he died young due to an accident, or he was killed by a monster in the wilds. Other times he found something valuable and was killed by enemies he didn’t know he had, but more often he was robbed and crippled. He became a powerless mortal and lived a life of drudgery.

Remarkably, that led to one of his most fulfilled lives. He was only a mortal, a dockworker unloading goods from the ships that landed at the port. He found happiness with a homely-looking scullery maid and they raised a similarly humble child. Sadly, it had ended with pain. The child inherited his talent to cultivate, but offended someone with power accidentally. Their whole family disappeared from the world just like that.

He experienced so many tragedies, miseries, and injustices. He also experienced manys joys, pleasures, successes, and glories. Only, every single life, it would always end with great regrets. He never passed in peace or with fulfillment. Even as great as some of the lives went, there was always a deep regret that remained. A wish unfulfilled, a dream unrealized, a love lost.

Is it my destiny to die with regret? Over and over again?

That can’t be right! In the darkness and silence, Sage felt his conviction return. After experiencing so many lives, he was no longer the same person anymore. His will had been refined through a hundred lives. Did everyone retain the memories of their past lives, but only for a short while before being reborn? Was this what happened to every soul? It sure didn’t seem like it. Everytime he died, the memories of his new life paled in comparison to that of his time as Sage and Lang Sheng. Yet, with each new rebirth, those memories seemed to fade slightly. He recalled the situation that led to Lang Sheng’s death. A relentless column of flames poured down upon his Spiritual Sea.

Something is wrong! Did I really die?